I was brought to tears by my boss once in my life. I was 21, inexperienced and a bit naive - just like a 21-year-old should be, right?
Unfortunately, I also had the bad luck of encountering an aggressive-type bully. That experience taught me a lot about the kinds of people and bosses to avoid.
Difficult personalities to work with
I'm sure you've also encountered a difficult person in your organisation or life at some point. Do you know how to handle a difficult personality in a way that's both respectful and assertive?
I have made a list of the most common difficult personality types you might encounter at work and how to deal with them. Keep in mind that when I say difficult people, I actually mean the difficult behaviour that people demonstrate.
1. The aggressive type
The main characteristic of the aggressive type is pretty easy to spot right away. These people often behave in an intimidating way and use direct or harsh language, paired with a loud voice, with which they try to push you into doing as they please.
They will often openly blame and criticise others and you will quickly notice that they like to push hard against your boundaries. At the root often lies anger and frustration, an inability to manage their own emotions and a feeling of being under attack.
How to deal with the aggressive type?
Depending on the situation you are in, secure your safety first. Once that has been taken care of, the key here is to remain calm while clearly protecting your own boundaries and showing when these have been crossed.
By remaining calm and keeping your (negative) emotions in check, you have a chance to de-escalate the situation. Once the emotions have calmed down, it is important to have a conversation about the fact that your boundaries have been crossed.
2. The passive-aggressive type
The main characteristics of this behaviour is that the person expresses their negative feelings and thoughts in an indirect way. These are often masked with a smile and a joke (sarcasm), which can make it difficult to react in the moment.
Imagine that you are late for a meeting and your colleague makes the following comment with a big smile on their face: "Oh, look who decided to grace us with their presence! Should we start over just for you?" The subtext of this comment is that they are annoyed you were late, but instead of communicating it in an "adult" way, they will use sarcasm to avoid a direct confrontation. At the root of this behaviour is conflict avoidance, a lack of self-confidence and poor communication skills.
How can you deal with this type of behaviour?
Just as with the aggressive type, it is important to remain calm yet show them that your boundaries have been crossed. Remember not to use the same weapon against them, so remain respectful yet firm. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements.
For example, you could respond to the above comment with: “I understand my being late has caused frustration, and I am sorry about being late. At the same time, I’d prefer we discuss these concerns directly rather than through comments like this, so we can maintain a respectful and constructive conversation.”
3. The complainer type
Don’t we all know the complainer? The one who is never satisfied and complains about everything and everyone, yet they never seem to actually take any action to make things better. We can easily spot this behaviour when people only focus on the negatives, even in the most positive situations.
The fact that they might feel unheard, unseen and unappreciated often lies at the bottom of this behaviour, and they have chosen to get attention by complaining. It could also be that they feel powerless, overwhelmed or stressed.
How can you deal with this type of behaviour?
Start by showing empathy and acknowledging their feelings rather than neglecting those or joining the "bashing party". Once the feelings have been acknowledged you can move on to working towards solutions. Keep in mind to use positive language.
Imagine a member of your team starts complaining about the workload that they have. You could say something like: "It seems like you’re feeling overwhelmed with the tasks you’ve been assigned. Let’s take a moment to look at your workload and see if there’s a way to balance things better."
4. The credit-taker type
This is the one who will put in the least work, yet tries to take the most credit for the work that others have done. They will try to undermine or neglect the teams’ effort and put all the spotlight on them.
There could be various causes of this behaviour, often starting with poor integrity, poor accountability, feelings of insecurity about themselves and a constant need for external validation.
How can you deal with this type of behaviour?
If you have noticed that it is not a one-off occurrence but a pattern of behaviour, you need to do a few things:
- Keep communication fact-based
- Make sure you keep the record of interactions
- Maintain detailed records of your work and achievements
- Share progress updates with your team and supervisors
This makes it more difficult for them to take credit for your work. At the same time, it is also important to have a one-on-one conversation with the credit-taker. They need to know that their behaviour is not going unnoticed. Remember to remain calm and professional, have specific examples ready and to express your feelings and the impact of their actions on you and the team.
You could say something like “In the last meeting, I noticed that credit for the project plan was attributed solely to you, even though we developed it together. I feel undervalued when my contributions are not acknowledged, and I believe this can also demotivate the team from putting in extra effort. Moving forward, I would appreciate it if we could ensure that all team members who contributed are recognised appropriately.”
Key takeaways
There are definitely many more difficult types of behaviour, but whoever you are having to deal with, keep the following in mind:
- Stay calm and professional (you control your behaviour, not them).
- Respect the other person and listen actively to discern what they are not saying and what their true needs are.
- Set clear boundaries, communicate them and stick to them. The fact that you are respectful and professional doesn’t mean you will allow others to push you over.
Now, I am curious - which type of behaviour do you find most difficult? How do you deal with it? Share in the comments below.